Mother, sister

I’m tired of the mommy wars.

Correction. I’m tired of hearing about the mommy wars. I’m tired of new controversies designed to get us all mad, tired of why are we like that analyses.

And even more, I’m tired of pretending it’s more than it is.

Because worse than what we see is what we don’t see–or specifically, the fact that we don’t see it. While the controversial articles and ad campaigns and magazine covers are generating plenty of chatter, they’re telling the wrong story.

And that’s a tragedy.

We are sisters.

That’s it. We stand together: a loose, imperfect group, a band full of diversity and difference and even division, but a sisterhood nonetheless.

So we disagree. So we bicker. So we squabble.

Sisters do that.

And yet from woman to woman, mother to mother, passes an invisible connection, an empathy that links us in a common goal. We share, we laugh, we cry. We offer advice, encouragement, support.

We were . . . we are . . . and we will be there.

So let’s dwell on what unites, not what divides. Let’s end all talk of mommy wars and mom enough and mama drama. Let’s tell tales of a sisterhood, of a bond that’s stronger than fighting–

of the mom who keeps an eye on your daughter at dance so you can run out to pick up your son from his baseball game–

of the mom who gives you all her old baby stuff when you’re pregnant and broke–

of the mom who lets you go ahead in line because you look overwhelmed and she gets it–

of the mom who helps you hold your baby on the narrow shelf so you can change his diaper in the ill-equipped restroom–

of the mom who looks after your daughter for an hour when you have an appointment and don’t have a sitter–

of the mom who offers to give you the shoes her kid has outgrown, and drives home to get them right away–

of the mom who smiles at you and tells you your screaming baby is cute–

of the mom who buys the fundraiser stuff your son had to sell, not because she wants it but because she understands–

of the mom who offers to deliver your child’s lunch backstage–

of the mom who comforts your daughter when there’s been a misunderstanding–

of the mom who gives you great ideas when you feel lost at sea–or who tells you that it will get better, so go have a nice glass of wine and a bubble bath–

of the mom who volunteers her time to help your child have a better extracurricular experience–

of the mom who diffuses the tense situation by making light of your child’s ridiculous antics–

of the mom who answers questions about the new area, the mom who gives advice on the best dentist/pediatrician/obstetrician/preschool–

of the mom who encourages, who shares her own experiences, who says, “I get it, I know what you’re going through, and I’m sorry”–

And most of all of the gentle smiles, the listening ears, the sympathetic voices, the hugs, the love, the I’m-here-for you–

Sisters, mothers, tell of those.

Then share the love.