Invisible me


I don’t need a wand.  I don’t need a wizard’s hat.  I don’t need a magical cleaning broom (actually I do, but that’s beside the point).

What I do need is a good, solid Invisibility Cloak.  In fact, I want one desperately.  Who wouldn’t?

And someday, I just might get one.

According to this article, scientists are one step closer–okay, not really closer, but more like less far— to marketing invisibility.  Sure, they’re limited to slightly inefficient cloaking devices, but they’re optimistic about the future.

And so am I.

The article says potential uses include hiding unsightly buildings.  How about unsightly living rooms?  For example, mine?  The kitchen counter when unwanted unexpected company shows up at the door?  The kitchen itself, when I want to pretend I don’t have one and therefore have to make a run to Subway if we want dinner?

And if unsightly items could be masked, what about unsightly people?  Specifically, me in the morning?  Imagine the possibilities.  I’d no longer have to drag myself out of bed and get dressed at the ungodly hour schools feel is necessary to start class.  Instead, on school mornings, I could get in the car, pajama-clad, unshod, and invisible; invisibly take the Maiden to her classroom; and then drive straight home and crawl back under the covers, still invisible except for a telltale bump under the comforter.  Of course, it might freak out the other drivers on the road to see a car driven by no-one.  But if they’re smart, they’ll be driving around pajama’d and invisible, too.

I’m enthusiastic about the current direction of invisibility research.  But I still have a few improvements to suggest.  Their proposed technology involves blocking light waves.  How about sound waves?  Who wouldn’t pay top dollar for a cloak you could throw over a screaming kid to “silence” them?  Bonus if it includes invisibility powers.  For the next fifteen minutes, I don’t own a dirty, snotty, shrieking preschooler.  Where’s that glass of wine and the bubble bath solution?

And if the technology could block or reflect sound and light, doesn’t that mean it could do the same for specific colors?  I could cloak my house in orange for Hallowe’en, or red and green for Christmas, and become the Maiden’s hero (and possibly, the neighbors’ bane).  I could look at my daughter through rose-colored glasses, which would be a welcome relief on days when she’s inclined to mix garish color combinations in her outfit selection.  I could coat it over on dinner so that the Man thinks he’s getting beef stir-fry, when it’s really tofu.  Parents could spray it on their goth/emo teens, and embarrass the heck out of them when they show up at school wearing the softest pearly pink.

The possibilities are so fascinating, that it makes me want to start the Maiden on the scientist track right now.  I think I’ll swing by the store and pick up a beginner set.  Of course, by the time we get it all figured out, they’ll probably have invented invisibility cloaks already.  But that’s okay.  Our kitchen will have been destroyed by our experimentation, but at least the cloaks will be on hand to cover the mess.

Don’t you just love technology?

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