I resolve…

Happy New Year!

January 1st: a time to reflect on the past year’s ups, downs, and neverending but much-loved insanity; ponder the year ahead and wonder what new adventures it will bring; and ask yourself repeatedly whatever possessed you to stay up until 2 a.m. celebrating, because you’re no longer young and carefree and 20 years old, but rather are 30 and have a very loud and non-napping Responsibility who’s obsessed with blowing her recorder, blowing New Year’s horns, playing her harmonica, watching obnoxious Looney Tunes reruns, and running her corn popper when you’d really, really like to go take a nap.

Since you can’t nap, the 1st is also a good time to sit down and make those traditional resolutions for self-improvement.  You’d rather not, because they usually involve a decrease in fun.  And forget keeping them; after a few months you usually can’t even remember what the resolutions were.  However, you’re too tired to do anything else, and you need an excuse to get away from the room where the Looney Tunes marathon is blaring.  So you take a Tylenol, and start typing. 

Here goes.

1. I will take time to relax, especially at mealtime.

  • This means I will sit down and eat breakfast and lunch in a relaxing manner.  I will not gulp breakfast while standing by the sink; nor will I eat lunch at red lights on the way to run errands or pick up the Maiden from school.  Especially, I will stop eating while typing.  It’s bad for the digestion and I am really just tempting fate as far as the laptop is concerned, particularly since the warranty runs out in March (and I don’t think it covers accidents caused by gastronomical stupidity anyways).
  • Continuing a similar line of reasoning, I will keep water, hot chocolate, hot tea, and all other laptop-unfriendly beverages off my desk.
  • But even though I won’t see my water bottle, I will still remember to  drink water
  • And I will try not to knock the bottle  over with my foot, ruining the stack of important papers on the floor.
  • While I’m at it, I will stop leaving stacks of important papers on the floor.  I will file them before I leave the room.
  • Because if I don’t, I will either spill something on them, or the Maiden will get into them and de-sort them, and I will get mad, and have to re-sort them all, wasting time.
  • And because I’m short on time, I’ll eat meals on the fly again.

2.) I will remember to take my vitamins.  Just because the bottle says “365”, does not mean I need to make the 60 pills actually last 365 days.

  • I will find a way to make myself remember.  I don’t know how this will be accomplished, since I already tried those old-lady day-of-the-week pill dispensers, and I not only still forgot, I actually lost the pill dispenser.
  • Which reminds me, I need to find that pill dispenser before the Maiden does.
  • Or before I get Alzheimer’s and forget what the pills were for in the first place.
  • Never mind, I already forget what they were for.
  • Sigh.

3.  I will read more complicated fare than Curious George, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, and People StyleWatch.

  • This means I need to read the selections for my book club.
  • Or at the very least, more than the summary on the back cover.

4.  I will teach the Maiden better manners.

  • Specifically, I will try to get through to her that no, princesses do not need to remove every stitch of clothing when using the potty.
  • I will hope and fervently pray that she does this at home only, but I will not seek to find out the answer from her teachers, because I sort of do not want to know.

5.  I will love and appreciate my family; I will shower time, hugs, and cuddles on my Man and Maiden.

  • No matter the craziness, random undressing at parties (Maiden), Looney Tunes marathon (Man and Maiden), messing up of papers (Maiden), non-napping-ness (Maiden), purchase of child-sized harmonica (Man), and constant swirl of messy toys (Maiden).
  • Because such as they are, they are the center of my life, and I could not imagine existence without them.
  • This resolution, at least, I plan to keep.  In fact, I’m going to start keeping it right now.

Happy New Year!  All the best in 2010!

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8 responses to “I resolve…

  1. The hubby and I love this!!! We just laughed and laughed.

  2. Haha! I’ve been tempting fate by eating over the laptop too – and David just reminded me not to put glasses of water on the floor next to my feet when I’m watching movies b/c my chances of NOT knocking them over are very small indeed — and of course that would instantly fry his computer processor which is sitting on the floor. chocolate is always the safest thing to eat around electonics, I conclude.

    • thetwistingkaleidoscope

      Trust you to find a way to justify NOT including de-chocolatification on your new year’s resolution list!

  3. Ha! I started the vitamin thing again too. I say again because I am using the same vitamins I bought for last NY’s resolution.

  4. Pingback: Resolutions accountability, first week. « The Twisting Kaleidoscope

  5. Those are great resolutions! Good luck!

  6. Pingback: Resolutions accountability, week two « The Twisting Kaleidoscope

  7. Pingback: I attempt resolutions . . . Part I | The Twisting Kaleidoscope

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